Merciless Mundanity

Obviously, given the title, you'll already know what this little collection of words is all about. It appears some of the inhabitants of the province of this country known as Scotland would like to secede from the Union. One could point out here that those who want to do so are a minority, but that might be seen as churlish, not to say inflammatory.

This has been going on for a while. Even when the Republic of Ireland threw their toys out of the pram and wandered absent-mindedly off on their long and torturous path to fiscal oblivion in 1921, there was a notable movement in Scotland in favour of independence. Fair enough, some might say; they are historically a different country, and surely they have a right to their independence. Well, that's an argument. And God knows I like a good argument as much as, if not more than, the next man (unless of course he's Ed Balls, known throughout the land for being the most argumentative (and, of course, repellent) little bastard that ever crawled from under a rock), but I don't see the logic here. One might as well try to put forward a case for Venice seceding from Italy, or Burgundy from France, or Baden-Württemberg from Germany. All countries are split into administrative areas, but that doesn't give those areas the automatic right to be countries in their own right.


Continue reading "Scottish by Birth, British by Law" »

Regular visitors here (as if there are any) will know that I like a bit of a linguistic rant now and then. I notice things to do with language, and ruminate on them. Imagine then, if you will, my reaction to this story from the Telegraph, regarding the dropping of the apostrophe from a well-known bookstore's name.

This was prefaced by a fair amount of detail about how difficult the trading environment is, and the fact that they haven't made any money. The impression given, then, is that they are dropping the apostrophe to try and drum up a bit more profit. Now, I may have missed something here, but this seems far-fetched. Anyhow, the official explanation given is that "the apostrophe is no longer practical".

What?



Continue reading "Linguistic Facepalm; Make It So" »

It had to come to this; no posts for ages and then it takes a riot to coax me into action. I wish to discuss the current monumental brouhaha concerning the rise in university tuition fees. Now, I know I'm a bit late on this one; the vote was yesterday and it's basically a done deal, but the more it has gone on, and the more research I've done, the more I have become convinced that the majority of current students must be mindless dimwits.

Not a day has gone by since the beginning of last month when I haven't heard, seen, or read the opinions of one or another of these sensationalist pseudo-marxist buffoons, in which they claim, repeatedly and monotonously, that the increase in tuition fees is divisive, and designed to keep the working classes and those from poorer backgrounds out of university. The question that immediately comes to mind is: do these people actually understand the complexities of the plan? The problem that appears here is this: if they don't understand, then why did they not take the time to do their research before protesting? What's even worse is that, given the circumstances, if they do understand, one can only come to the conclusion that they are hamstrung by an almost criminal level of stupidity. To underline the level of fuckwittery on display here, let's actually look at the facts for a moment (which the majority of those protesting appear not have done).


Continue reading "Missing the Point" »

Every now and again, something appears on the television which genuinely makes me wonder who on earth commissioned it in the first place. First, there was Shafted; a hideously misguided piece of programming, fronted by tango-skinned professional shouter Robert Kilroy-Silk fresh from his haranguing of Islam in a national newspaper. If it passed you by, thank your lucky stars and then look it up. Needless to say, it didn’t last long before somebody at ITV realised they’d made a terrible mistake and mercilessly (or should that be, mercifully?) consigned it to oblivion after only two or three episodes, presumably rounding the whole sorry debacle off by shooting themselves in the head. If only they’d done it to Kilroy as well. On primetime television.

And it didn’t end there. From time to time, the television will go on, only to be switched off minutes later with an irritated flourish of the remote, and a stream of obscenities.

Sometimes, though, these things aren’t actually that bad. They’re strangely watchable; in much the same way as one can watch, say, Jeremy Kyle. There’s nothing about the programme to which the adjective “quality” could readily be attached, but something still compels you to sit through it, in case something happens.

One such recent example of this is Antiques Master (Monday, 2030, BBC2). The basic premise is - and I know this because it’s repeated every eight-to-ten seconds by the completely unnecessary narrator - to find “Britain’s Top Amateur Antiques Expert”. Fine, you say. I’ve got that.



Continue reading "The Madness of Primetime" »

Firstly, I should start by saying that, if you don’t recognise this picture, then you’re either frighteningly ill-educated, or wilfully ignorant. Or you could possibly have the indescribable misfortune to be a Chinese national under the age of 25.

If you do recognise the picture, then well done. So you should, indeed. It’s one of the most iconic photographs not only of the 20th century, but quite possibly of all time.

This photograph is particularly relevant to day, because of the date. So, what’s the date today?

It’s June the fourth, you say? June the fourth. Now, what’s the significance of June the fourth? It’ll come to me … no, wait … it will … don’t help me…

That’s it!

It’s the twenty-first anniversary of the single most ridiculous event in the history of events. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, let’s go a bit further into this, shall we?



Continue reading "Remember the Unknown Man" »